What it's Like Being Married to a Firefighter - Latina & GringoThere are some added bonuses when you marry a firefighter. This is just a list of five things that popped into my head. Being married to a firefighter actually has many more perks… right? It allows us to make plans for an entire year as his schedule remains the same. And taking one day off really means that he has five days off in a row.
What are those? Do you know how hard it is to kiss your spouse, say I Love You and tell him to be careful while you get out of dodge.
It is not uncommon for me to arrive to the fire station, sit for dinner, take a few bites and boom, a call comes through. They rush out to the emergency, leaving dinners uneaten and food partially cooked. My only request to him is, return home safe. Not many wives bother to visit.
I mean, I get it. I either attend events alone or miss them totally. I usually opt to miss them because I hate traveling alone. It does mean that I get him some interesting presents though. I have got him quite a few Fire Boots over the years. He sees things in a run of a day that I hope to never see in this lifetime.
Challenges aside, I love my firefighter and support him in every way possible. Photo Source: PublicDomainPictures. First of all thank you and your hubby for your service! You both are courageous and resilient!!!! Your hubby is lucky to have a kind and understanding wife like you! Thanks for being vulnerable and transparent enough to share with us!
I totally was thinking of you during part of this writing. I know you hold it down at home too. Hats off to you and your spouse. We holds it down! Your hubby is lucky to have a woman like you stand by his side no matter what.
It was nice to know you alittle bit more. Btw your hubby is a hero to so many of us our here. TY so much. I will try to share more personal stuff here and there. They just want to hear about hair. Both of you should be congratulated for keeping the fire alive! Emprezz Abena recently posted… Texlaxed Hair Update. Omg Jay. This was a very revealing insight into your life.
A number of things really touched me. You go, girl. You said it best: Adapt and Overcome! It takes time to adjust. Your husband's schedule is a killer. I can't imagine it. Mine is a modified Kelly schedule. So he has 24 on, 24 off, 24 on, 24 off, 24 on and then four days off in a row.
I love it. Also, you have the added complication of the five our commute. I hope he can find something closer and that this is temporary. Praise God he has a job and is willing to be away from his family to provide for you. Hang in there and I will say a pray for you right now. I couldn't have made it during those years without the Lord. I depended on his for His sustaining me. I pray you can do the same. Hope this helps!
This post really spoke to me today. I have been with my firefighter for three years now, we love together in our beautiful house and share a wonderful life together. He just finished his probation on his first "big" department in the city I have noticed that he has hardened. He is lacking so much emotion and has a very negative outlook on the world now.
I keep trying to remind myself that firefighters are a different breed and they are special and deal with things differently than any of us will ever deal with things.
But I feel like it has caused such a divide between us. Reading this post has helped me realize that I am the key. I have to be strong and refrain from holding resentment when he comes home from shift and is not emotionally present.
I feel very alone as talking with friends and family does not seem sufficient As they don't understand. Thank you for sharing your advice.
It really helps. Thank you for commenting! I too have seen a cynical outlook on life from my husband. It helps to realize where it comes from and to not take it personally. My husband's form of PTSD comes with people driving stupid. He freaks out on them! I asked him one time "Why are you so angry? From then on, if I don't want to listen to him get angry at drivers, I need to be willing to drive.
Hearts on Fire: What to Expect When Falling In Love with a Fireman involved when you date a firefighter, but the pros far outweigh the cons!. These types of firemen are also skilled liars and con men. They appear to .. I am not sure if I can give you solid advice on dating a firefighter. Both of us agreed that having someone in the same "service" helps you to debrief from work etc but we didn't find much more of pro's and con's.
Simple fix. Hang in there! Stacie, I read your blog every once in awhile for a bit of encouragement and also different perspective. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years and he has been through 7 years to become a firefighter. I've been with him through it all and it has been exhausting for both of us.
He finally has the job but also has a few more months of probation. Honestly, I've been off an on bitter about him not proposing to me.
I'm pretty sure few firefighter wives will say, “I signed up for this.” Truth is, we Disadvantages of Shift Work. Leaving early Date Night at The Fire Station. While you . Budget like a Pro with 5 Simple Steps My Profile. Reply. Link: Pros and cons of dating a firefighter. He's way into being a volunteer " fireman". I literally had ice all over me. Fire is their life, and they are passionate about. I actually wanted to title it Con's and Pro's, but that just wasn't rolling off the tongue when I tried to say it. I know I won't be able to come up with near as many .
I know he wants to get married but this has eaten him up so long and he wants to know he is locked into the job. I feel emotionally drained. I sometimes wonder if I can handle this. I find myself always there for him emotionally but then he's never there for me cause all that matters is the job. Is this normal to feel this way? I mean I tottally am understanding and always try to be there for him and know they go through some really awful things.
But when he doesn't reciprocate and act as if anything that goes on in my life isn't as important it makes me feel alone. The 48 hr shifts and the over time. I'm also a Christian and feel like church will be hard to be involved in without him. Since there's hardly a Sunday off and when there is its the only day to really spend time together. Does it get easier when you have kids? Does it make it feel less lonely? Dear Faithbased, I fear you have backed yourself in a corner.
The question is, are you living with him? If you are, than he is getting all the perks of a marriage without the commitment. Why should he propose? So if I am right and you are living with him, my advice to you is to step back, move out and then see if he is willing to commit to your relationship while not having the perks.
It would be very difficult and most relationships don't survive this, but if he is as wonderful as you think he is, it will be worth it. Because truth is, you really don't have him all the way. I am sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but if you put God first and honor your Him with your relationship you will know if this is His will for your life, depending on which direction your boyfriend takes.
I will pray for you! If you aren't living with him, I believe you need to have a serious talk about commitment and him taking advantage of you. It is time he step up and be a husband.
Don't make excuses for him, treasure yourself enough to know that you are worth it! God loves you! Prayers headed your direction right now.
I am a soon to b firefighters wife. I know he's safe and the guys at the station are never going to let anything happen to him so why can't i go back to sleep when his pager goes off insted of getting up while he's getting dressed or taking a shower?
I'm still learning, my firefighter boyfriend used to talk about the future, marriage and kids with me and just recently he has cut off all emotions and also "doesn't know" if he sees a future.
I'm so confused. Has anyone been through this? I don't know how to handle it. Been a firefighter's wife now for nearly 19 years. I've learned all that you've discussed. Another good lesson to learn is prepare to feel disconnected ALL the time!
My husband is gone for 48 hour shifts 5 times a month plus another part time job. I'm very use to being on my own a lot! Almost to the point that I feel like a single mother most days.
You just get so use to doing it on your own that you forget you have a spouse some days. This I never anticipated when I got married. You must be a very independent person to come out of this with your sanity. Not many can. A lot of the guys my husband works with have gotten divorced because their wives got lonely and cheated on them.
I totally see how that could happen. It is very lonely at times. But I've learned a long time ago to appreciate all he does for his job and be truly proud of him and the sacrifices he makes day in and day out. Sure makes the days of being selfish seem pretty small. I stumbled across this blog after I literally googled "how to be a firefighter's wife". I'm quickly learning being a firefighter spouse is hard! I can't imagine adding kids to the mix! It's so difficult for me not to take it personally when he gets called in.
It used to frequently make me want to cry, but there is no use in fighting it. It is what it is. It is my husband's way of providing for his family. Praise God he is so faithful at it. I try not to get angry anymore. I try to be understanding and grateful. Thank you for your post!!
My boyfriend is a seasonal wildland firefighter and can be gone for up to 30 days with no cell service.
We have email capabilities and we send letters back and forth but I usually get a few sentences a day from him. I seriously miss his voice and face but don't want to burden him with my own concerns. How can I support him? Do you have any other advice? Hello, just wanted to say thank you for writing this blog! I am a volunteer firefighters wife, we've been married one year and together for 10, we have a 3 year old and a one year old.
It is very true that firefighter are a special breed. My husband used to always tell me about this book that he read that said everyone has a purpose on this earth and that he didn't know what his was yet. We have been friend's with many of the guys from our county halls for a long time but 3. He went through school and when he came back from his first call he looked at me and said "this is why I'm here".
I could not be more proud of him! They are our second family. I know he is safe. They take care of each other and they take care of each others families. When it's time for fun, they know how to have a good time. My husband works out of town during the day and whenever he is in town he is on call.
Challenges of Being a Firefighter Wife
I have been fortunate that he hasn't missed anything super important, I did have to bottle all the wine for our wedding because he was at a huge fire but I had my bridesmaids and groomsmen to help!!
But even though I know they all look out for each other, there is still that thought in the back of your head "I hope he'll be ok". I do not ever want to see that fire truck pull up in front of my house. I lay in bed awake when he is gone. Sometimes I sit outside on the porch if the kids are asleep. I don't call or text because I know someone needs him more than me.
I can handle that. Just like firefighters are a special breed, I believe that so are their wives!! What I need to work on is learning how to help him through the hard ones. This blog spoke to me because he too recently came home from a 3 month old SIDS call. I just held him as he held our kids.
I didn't know what else to do.
Hearts on Fire: What to Expect When Falling In Love with a Fireman
Brittany, it sounds like you are doing an excellent job! Just keep being supportive. I doubt he enjoys being away from you that long either.
Good job! And you are right, we are a special breed too! Thank you SO much ladies for this post and the comments! I've been dating my firefighter for almost a year. He works for LA County and is extremely busy.
Not only is he testing for Captain but he is also taking the AO test. Without support from some other FF girlfriends I think we wouldn't have made it this far. At times I feel like giving up because he works so much overtime then goes out of town with his family on his days off to escape the city I always just get a response of "It was a late night" or "Yesterday was busier".
I'm at a point where I don't know if he just doesn't care about me or if he's just that focused on his career right now he's trying to set up a good future for us? His father was a FF and his brother-in-law is one too. I wish I could find some women around here that are going through the same testing to pep talk me to get through this. It's hard to build a relationship when you only see each other times a month. One girlfriend of mine told me the AO testing is the hardest point in a FF career and if I can get through this then I can get through anything with him.
Thanks for letting me vent on here and I would appreciate any encouraging words to help me to not feel so alone. Hello, I really enjoyed what you had to say it makes so much sense. I can relate in some ways because I have those days where I come home and don't feel like doing anything either. How do you deal with the fact that he never wants to be intimate because he is always tired. I'm really feeling down, not loved, and pushed away. I need some advice?
I am sorry, I don't have any advice for you since I have never had that problem, Athena. It has very high demands and you best be ready for it, or it will probably not last. Ashley, You need to really consider whether you are cut out for this life-style or not. Because that is a typical Firefighter's schedule.
There are some added bonuses when you marry a firefighter. (And some things that would probably fall more in the “con” column than the “pro”. Are you currently dating (or about to be dating) a firefighter? Get the inside Firefighter wife- the pros and cons to this lifestyle and being married to a firefighter. I guess you could say this to be a sort of “con” about the job. While a “pro” of the job is that it is very stable with good insurance and benefits, we don't have the .. He started at the fd when we had been dating a couple months.
Think about if you got married and had children. Are you able to be by yourself and be almost a single mother? Because that is how I feel much of the time. My philosophy is to keep my expectations very low. My time with my husband is limited so I want to make the most of it. If I am constantly disappointed then I will push away bitterly, and shut down emotionally. That is no way to live! Accept the things you can't change. If you can't accept them, then I would truly consider if this is the right relationship to be in.
I hope the article above helped. I love this post as well. I have been a fire girlfriend for 2 years and a wife for 1 and he works 48 hour shifts. Another thing that I constantly struggle with is that when he comes home I am wanting to catch up, start our day, do activities, update him on the happenings while he was gone etc. This is by far the hardest thing for me. I can only imagine that this will get worse when we have children, but nice to know there are others out there who struggle with the same things.
I also agree with Stacie that we need to keep our expectations low- not in a condescending or mean way, but so that we don't put our disappointment on our hero: Thoughts and prayers with all of you ladies! Just remember that we help them do their job to the best of their abilities and that without our support it would be a lot more difficult. Thank you Rachel! I appreciate your insight. I think you are being very wise and full of grace. Let him sleep and catch up later when he is rested.
Wow, 6 years later your post is still reaching women! This is great! I can relate to everything you said. The day I went into labor with our first child, my husband got the call to come fill out paperwork for his new job as an EMT. We were thrilled if the timing and our new insurance.
Pros and cons of dating a fireman
But that was the beginning of the imperfect schedule. I have always said that it is what I know and what I'm used to. My introverted side enjoys quiet time, but my extroverted side feels left behind.
If he can't sleep, he will sit up on the computer or go clean our business that we run together. All in all, I wouldn't change the path I've taken with him, but it would have helped to know more going in. As patient and understanding as we have both been with his job choice, it has effected both of us beyond what we realized.
It can be ugly, but it can be dealt with. Forgiveness and love go a long long way on both parts. It is an important job, that men and women are called to, otherwise they couldn't stuck with it.
My husband tells me that he couldn't do it if he didn't have me. Spouses of emergency workers take a beating in a different way and no less important. My tendency would be to live a routine if it weren't for my husband. Instead, I stay up late to spend time with him because his body clock is up, which means that I may need to go back to sleep once the kids are at school and he is off again.
This feels lazy, but it is sometimes necessary.
I have to be willing to bend to the schedule of my husband just as he had to adopt it. It is a mess sometimes, and ten sometimes we find a groove, but mostly I we just have to be ok with being messy. People often give up trying to be our friends because it is such a complicated schedule, and that is part of the price we pay. Thankfully, he is my best friend and we just have to make extra efforts to show people that we really do want to be their friends even if we are difficult to nail down.
I'll stop there. Maybe I should start a blog myself! Thanks for your blog post!
How do I help my firefighter cope when he has a bad call? When he saw the last face of a person he once knew? His station does have group meetings after a bad call and they all talk about it but sometimes thats not enough. What can I do? There isn't much you can do but be supportive.
If he seems to continue to have problems such as nightmares or PTSD issues I would see a counselor and go from there. It is so hard especially in smaller departments when everyone knows everyone in the community. It can be pretty traumatizing. My Fiance is looking into doing firefighting. We are both trying to be prayerful about if this is a good route for him and for us.
Any advise on how to tell if this is something we as individuals or our marriage will be able to handle? You need to be able to be independent and be able to be alone a lot. Can you handle emergencies on your own? Are you able to sleep by yourself? Are you able to be a single mom and accept that your children's father will not be able to make every recital or sporting event? Are you able to go to church by yourself? I know it sounds depressing, but this is the reality of the downside of firefighting.
You will have to be very intentional in your marriage if you want to beat those odds. What I've learned being a firefighter's wife. Too many firefighters have a narcissistic personality disorder. They are the ones you find secretly cheating on their wives and blaming everyone for their affairs, but themselves.
They are expert manipulators. Play victim, which is ironic, since at their jobs, they help victims. These types of firemen are also skilled liars and con men. They appear to others as the vibrant, wonderful family man, but behind that mask of sanity is a monster.
A man who goes home and expects his wife to be perfect. House to be spic and span. Has no regard for what the wife goes through. Above all, this type has multiple affairs over his career without the slightest regard for how this destroys his wife and children. He leaves his wife behind in every dangerous situation, but on the job will be a big hero in front of his buds.Day in the Life of an EMT
Truly sick. And these men need God. As in an aggressive interior attack that needs to rid them of whatever private hell they live in behind that mask of Hi I'm a wonderful fireman charade. Pray for the marriages that are being destroyed by the enemy of our souls. The one who has taken these men captive to destroy them and their wives and children. I am sorry this has been your experience.
There are bad apples in every bunch. I am thankful I did not get one like that. I have been a fireman's wife for over a year now It is demanding and challenging to keep a house Views: I Love it I I was married to a wonderful man who had retired from the Marine Corps and he had nothing to do with the fire service. We were blissfully happy until he passed away.
Many years later i dated and married a man who loved the idea of my career choice but later into our marriage started making comments about how he wanted to join the fire service but did not for a variety of reasons. I could not discuss anything to him about my shifts because he did not want to hear it. He also had difficulty with my relationships with my male coworkers so He left me. It was very difficult to handle but we have been separated now 9 months.
The sting is still there but he was caustic to our relationship. Sign Up or Sign In. Powered by. Newest Add Photos Photo Albums. To be honest-I think the answer will vastly differ from men to women also. My ex-husband was on the fire department with me and went EMT with me. We were able to do great with it. There was a common understanding, the partnership you have with all your crew.
I could go interior with him or be on a complete different crew. Couple years after my divorce I was dating a guy who decided it seemed like the thing to do, so he joined the department. Well, he didn't take it so well. He couldn't separate the partner from the girlfriend. He was irritated at one scene because I asked him and another person to do something. His response, "Yes dear" in a very condescending tone. The complete and utter disrespect ended things pretty quickly.
Fast forward to now I thought he understood what it meant to me and was proud. After 7 years, I learn he never respected the work I do.