Can a 20 year old girl date a 30 year old man?The MeFi community could benefit from hearing from members of color about your experiences on the site. Hey guys just curious if a woman who is 31 years old was into a guy who is 26 me , would the age gap be too large for it to be considered normal. It's a five year gap, and to me that just seems too much for what is "normal" It would be okay if the man was 26 and she was 21 but the other way around feels too milfy, or cougarish. But what if everything about the other person you liked, you liked their personality, you found them attractive, etc Does it say about me that I wasn't able to attract a younger woman so there is something wrong with me? Yeah, it's fine.
Are you going to be embarrassed about her being 5 years closer to wearing Depends diapers or something? Of course its ok. But please make sure she never sees this question or knows about your concerns because it would be really hurtful and if I were her it would be amble reason to not date you or to dump you if I was.
It would be okay if the man was 26 and she was 21 but the other way around feels too milfy, or cougarish. Also, I'd just like to request that you and society as a whole work super-hard to unpack yourselves of this notion.
If you could see your way clear. Because, "An age and power differential is okay as long as it's the man in power"? Nekker at PM on June 3, [ 41 favorites ]. A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? As far as your references to "milfy" or "cougarish", ummmmmmm, I'm I'm not a mom or even vaguely matronly. I'm not elderly.
You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world. We like the same bands, watch the same TV shows and movies, and are nostalgic about the same Saturday morning cartoons. The age difference is perfectly acceptable, and i know plenty of successful couples with that type of age gap.
You, on the other hand, sound immature and judgmental about both gender relations and age, and so it probably won't work out, unless your prospective girlfriend is willing to be considered milfy or a cougar, but she probably won't.
A five year age difference is of no consequence if the two people involved are at the same stage of maturity. This does not seem to be the case here. She needs to be dating someone more in her maturity bracket. You need to mature some more. I would never ever date a woman and not be proud of her, and hide her from my friends, it wouldnt be fair. I haven't even asked her out yet but it seems like she wants me to.
If I was in a relationship with her then I'd most certainly be happy with what she was posted by curious-mind at PM on June 3, [ 1 favorite ].
Um, yes, it's fine. My 31 year old girlfriend says no, it is not ok. Like most things, it's okay with some people and not okay with others. If you want to date this woman, pursue that goal. The reason I asked this question about me being "okay" with dating an older woman, was reading a okcupid research article saying how most men compete for younger women, and there were guys in the comment section saying things like "Yeah if you can't get a younger woman its because you got priced out and you suck" I tried to not let it bother me but it did.
That as a statistic men chase younger women, and dating an older woman is looked upon as failing to be able to compete with other men. So far so good. He's not concerned about the difference at all. If you two really gel as a couple then people won't see a 5 year difference in your ages. Yeah, I think you're probably too immature for this relationship, dude.
Okay wait, you are making life decisions based on the internets comments section of a dating site article? Oh honey. Cut this shit out. Anyway, in my early-mid 30s I dated a guy very seriously for several years who was about four years younger. The reasons it didn't work out had nothing to do with our age gap.
Here's where it could potentially become an issue - if she wants to have children, she is facing a much steeper timeline than you are right now in life. Where two twentysomethings can wait and see where things go, maybe get married, maybe think about kids when it feels right - a couple in their 30's do have to face the reality that female fertility starts declining after So if you don't think you want kids in the next 10 years, and she does -- the relationship can't work in the long run.
It sounds from your question and followups that you're focusing on a lot of superficial externals about how it might affect you rather than the heart of the matter - what is she looking for in you? Gwyneth Paltrow is five years older than Chris Martin.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I know if I were in her year-old shoes I would want to know if I was seeing someone who used the word "cougar" seriously in any non-feline context, let alone applied to how others might view our relationship, has no problem with a double standard, i.
How Young is Too Young to Date?
If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you. Re your question: A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman. But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guyI'm not so sure. Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing.
I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question. Who do you want to date? Her or other men?
It's a fine age gap for anyone.
Undressed: What’s the Deal With the Age Gap in Relationships?
Best of luck -- you're gonna need it. I tried to not let it bother me but it did. OK, I'm here to tell you: lots of things get "looked upon as failings. You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"?
There you go. You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic. You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed.
It is weird in the sense that it's not typical and it is something some people might look down on you for. Does that make it bad or a bad idea? I don't think so, but that's your decision to make.
What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship. It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman.
Why do you care what's "normal"? Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date?
While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK.
Then of course there's the unnecessary stereotype that her being over 30 for five minutes means she is now turning at least some of her attention to baby-planning.
Also, the 20 year old can see the 27 year old as a way to an easier life. Some younger women find that attractive because men their age I am 30 dating a 25 year old, and he is more mature than my 33 year old ex was. So if someone is 30 years old, according to these rules, they should be Men tend to stick to their own age as the maximum limit age they are willing to that a year-old woman could date a year-old, most year-old For example, if you start dating someone who is 20 when you are 26 years old. Women want men around their own age regardless of the type of Based on the creepiness rule, a year old John/Lauren can date.
They haven't even gone on a date. I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet. I'm 26 years old and I've dated a number of women in their late 30s in the last few years. It's never been any kind of issue.
On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different. For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me.
But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive. Someone 5 years older than you is not old enough to be your mother, so "MILF" seems quite a bit off.
My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference. I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
Since you are asking, and given the words you chose, she is too old for you. Older women tend to respect themselves more and have higher standards. In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you.
A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? Hey guys just posted by jontyjago at PM on June 3, [4 favorites]. What?.
Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers. I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest. Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty.
Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman. Hollywood or something? You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. When I was 34 I was dating a 27 year old. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped.
Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident. I am eight years older than my husband, and our respective ages have never been an issue between us.
Except when he makes fun of 80s music. People have already given your grief for describing yourself as a 26 year old boy and caring about the opinion of an anonymous bunch of dudes on OKCupid, so I'll spare you on that front.
My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them? Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care. I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years.
I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor. I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet. I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was.
When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc. Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us. I'm 29 and my girlfriend is It's great! There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup.
I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments?
Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women. And they had data to back up something women being awesome!
Honey, five years is an age gap when you are a child. Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. I skipped to the end. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages.
27 year old man dating a 20 year old woman
Be glad you've found someone you care about and who feels the same. I'm a 30 year old woman. I'd have no problem dating a 25 year old. As the bard said, love the one you're with. If she's OK with you, you should be too. When I was in my early 30's, I had a short relationship with a woman in her early 20's. We weren't a good match and one of the things that stuck out to me was the difference in maturity.
If you're thoughtful and mature and your are compatible, great, have a good time. You haven't even asked her out. Cart before the horse. I hope you've worked through your previous issues.
I think you need a lot more confidence and grounding, but that's just me.
You know those girls who refuse to date anyone younger than they are, To Know About Dating A Year-Old Man As A Something Girl. Thanks everyone I'm not sure if its casual or not since its early days, but I'm going to uni next year so that might get in the way. Also, he is a. While I do agree that 'age is just a number', I do have to caution against dating someone that much younger than you. Of course you are both.
I'm 16 years older than my husband, we have been together for 7 years both dating and married. He chased me. I'm not a MILF or a Cougar and spent most of the early years of the relationship worrying about the age difference, it has never bothered him. You like who you like, ask her out and if she says yes I hope you both have fun. If it becomes serious you won't care about the age difference, and if it's only a bit of fun for both of you, you might learn something about yourself and women.
Forget about what people on OKCupid say, what people say online to make themselves look "cooler" rarely has any actually relationship to what they'd do if they had the chance in real life. Also face early thirties deosn't look that much different to late 20's its not like she's got grey hair and a walking stick, no one is going to look twice.
Ask her out. Are you sure that they've failed at competing? I suspect that men who date older women have realized that the only way to win at "my girlfriend is younger than yours" is not to play. Put another way, do you really want the respect of men who think this way about women? Would it really make you feel better about yourself? This is not enough data to say anything about you. In fact, the only thing this tells me is that you are into this particular 31 year old woman.Can a 20 year old girl date a 30 year old man?
It could, maybe, suggest that you're more into 31 year olds than other women. If you really need to be older than your lady, just wait until you're 32 and start hitting on the 31 year olds.
Ta da, problem solved.
I don't think it's particularly inappropriate, I just think you might find a hard time finding things in common, particularly if she's living on campus. Older men often date younger women, but everyone can benefit when . year -old women who really clean up with the year-old dudes. I think you're having a problem with it because you're struggling to find any common interests. It's more a product of where she was raised than how old she is.
Or you could realize you're being ridiculous and ask this one out now. This is only an issue if it's made into an issue. Live your life, man. But because men are usually the conversation starters, the older-man-younger-woman paradigm prevails. Alright, so maybe OkCupid en masse follows dating age conventions, but what about those women who want to flip the norm on its head?
How difficult is it for them to date a younger man? What I found was kind of surprising. When men message women, women tend to respond most often to men around their own ages.
A year-old woman will have better luck messaging a year-old man than a year-old one, according to the data. And a year-old man is more likely to respond to a message from a year-old woman than a message from any other age group.
When women make the first move, the age gap dating norm is reversed. I asked my friend Trevor, a year-old mathematician, what he made of it. They have more interesting jobs and hobbies, and their profiles are just better … no stupid selfie-only profiles.
Did that explain it? Across all ages, straight women write shorter profiles than straight men. And then there are those year-old women who really clean up with the year-old dudes. Cindy has been dating men in their 20s for the past 15 years. Working in tech, she sometimes feels she has more in common with somethings than older men. When I spoke with women who message much younger men on OkCupid, most of them told me something similar. I have no desire to have a man telling how I should be conducting my life.
But I have been on dates with guys some 10 years older, and my feelings are this: no matter how diplomatic and open-minded they are, they always have a little trouble taking life advice from a year-old. The odds are in your favor if you do.